De Plane! De Plane!

The following story is true. Only the names of parties involved have been withheld to protect them from the embarrassment of being associated with me.


There is nothing like settling back in your cramped airline seat, satisfied that you are finally heading off to some nice destination for a well earned vacation. Imagine feeling the plane start to taxi down the run way then suddenly being thrown into the back of the seat in front of you as the squeal of the brakes fills your ears. Welcome to my NYC trip.


" Ladies and Gentlemen, we seem to have lost one of our hydraulic pumps. We will need to go back to a gate; however, there is not one open at this time. In the meantime we will taxi off the runway and wait for a gate to open up."



* First things first...for the love of God...yes, get us off the runway!
* Second, Do you happen to have any idea HOW long we might be waiting for a gate?
* Third, I think I just had a mild heart attack realizing that had this pump waited for us to become airborne before failing, we could have ended up like the United flight in Sioux City, IA.


Undaunted, I called my friend who was already in route to JFK and left her a message indicating I would be delayed in arriving, and I would call again with an update once I knew more.


NOTE: Those who know me well, know that I am severely prone to motion sickness. I can't even read and be in a moving car at the same time. My solution? Dramamine! Since this flight to JFK was supposed to be around 3 hours, I thought it best to take a double dose so I would sleep through the entire flight. I had followed the directions on the package to the letter and popped my pills 30 minutes before we boarded the plane.........now flashback to the present and you can imagine after almost an hour on the tarmac waiting for a gate, I am having to struggle to stay awake and remain lucid so I know what the hell is going on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. We have found an unoccupied gate, and will be heading there for the mechanics to take a look at this pump. If it needs to be replaced, we will put you all on another plane that has been made available. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Okay...so it's not going to be that bad. I call my friend and leave a message with an update, but I have a hard time forming the words with my mouth. I feel like I am drunk, but without the happy part. At no time did it occur that I should probably be seeking alternate arrangements - they said they had a plane for us, the airlines always follow through and do what they say they will, right?

"Ladies and Gentlemen. We will not be able to continue on this plane. We also apologize for the earlier miscommunication as there is not another plane available to continue this flight to JFK. As a result, we are cancelling the flight. Please make your way to any available ticket counter to seek alternate flight arrangements."


WTF???

Okay...maybe not.

I am staggering down the jetway with my crap, trying to dial Customer Service with my new iPhone. I get placed on hold and step in line at one of the counters. As I get closer to the agent, customer service comes on the line and proceeds to tell me there are no other direct flights to JFK that day, and that she just booked the last seat on the last plane to LaGuardia.

She did; however, have a seat on a flight into Newark that should arrive right after midnight. Newark is bad enough - period...at midnight it's almost as bad as the pump going out at 35,000 feet. "What other options do I have?" I ask. She begins to ramble about possibly flying to Atlanta and catching a connection there, or perhaps I can fly into Chicago and go standby there. "Forget it. Just give me my money back." I say.....she begins to apologize and I find myself in front of the desk agent. As I hang up the phone I ask him to confirm what she told me. He clickity clicks on the keyboard, looks at the screen, and then looks at me with a horrified expression on his face. I look back at him, perplexed....."Ma'am...your nose is bleeding. Are you okay?" ARRRRGH! Now I look like a drunk extra from a horror movie. Or a pretty close second to Bill Paxton in Near Dark.





I attempt to call my friend's voice mail again, and inadvertently call my old boss's cell phone (last names are very close together). I vaguely remember the conversation, but not really. I do remember him saying.."Are you drunk? You called me by mistake, didn't you!" Now my former boss thinks I drunk dialed him. On a Thursday morning. SIGH


I try again, carefully selecting my friend's number from my contact list, ignoring the worried glances from other travelers walking past me. I leave a message, but have no idea what I said. I think I repeated myself at least three times.


Now I make the trek through the terminal back down to the courtesy van area...periodically dropping my water, magazine, purse and jacket (not necessarily in that order) on the way. I stop by the ladies room to grab some paper towels as I am leaving little red droplets like a trail of breadcrumbs behind me.


I flag down the Park N Fly van zooming by and low and behold, it's the same driver who dropped me off earlier that day. With eyes the size of saucers, he asks if I am okay. "My flight was cancelled. Take me to my car!" I bark. He gets my bag and then does not say another word on the drive back to the shuttle lot.


After a ten minute battle with my trunk, I manage to fling it open and throw my bag in and then the rest is a blur.


I woke up that night at 7, laying half on/half off my bed. My purse was still on my shoulder and I was still wearing my glasses. Punkin was snuggled up next to me, and unless she figured out a way to teleport herself from the floor to the bed, I must have grabbed her and flung her up before I passed out.


I shakily got to my feet and glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror. My hair looked like it had encountered a wind tunnel and was standing at attention. Similar to this:




My chin, cheek and neck were coated with a nice crusting of dried blood

Lest you think I managed to have an adventure like this for free, it cost me 10.00 for the time my car was at the shuttle lot.

Sometimes I can't believe the things that happen in my life.