An Argument for Breast Implants

I don't think anyone would disagree that work related conferences have the potential to be snoozefests. Even I will admit to have done the occasional head bob dozing in an especially dry presentation. One time I almost fell out of my chair and it was only the quick intervention of my work colleague grabbing my arm that kept me upright and spared me from being the butt of numerous conference jokes.

As luck would have it, I just finished a week long conference in the Valley of the Sun. One of the perks of a conference are the networking events designed to enable you to schmooze and press the flesh with other attendees. One of the annual events that is a part of this conference each year is the President's Ball. It is a semi-formal affair and often times very reminiscent of a senior prom.

So I am invited to sit at the President's table as a guest, which put me right next to the dance floor. The DJ was spinning some great songs and there was a lot of people out on the floor shaking their groove thing. All was well in the world.....for now.

Flash forward 3 hours and who knows how many bottles of wine later. The DJ has gotten a salsa/old school rap thing going and the dance floor is packed. I am dancing with two other people (NOTE: Group dancing was designed for all of us third wheels so we could have fun too) and I spy something across the dance floor. I had not been drinking gallons of wine, but I also did not have my glasses on...so I stopped dancing and looked harder. I flagged down the girl who was part of our dancing "trio" and pointed it out to her. All of a sudden it hit both of us at the same time: Someone had lost their bra inserts and they were now laying on the dance floor. Instantly we both reach up to our own chests to do a check (despite the fact we were,'t wearing any). We then looked around the floor and everyone seemed oblivious to the falsies on the floor.

I could not let this moment go unshared, and rushed off the dance floor to tell our table. By the time I had pointed the unfortunate falsies out, a guy who had been drinking wine straight from the bottle and was dancing barefoot, had managed to get one of them stuck to the bottom of his foot. Using moves that have until now only been seen on Dancing with the Stars, he attempted to dislodge the insert (which now resembled a beat up veal cutlet) without disrupting his dance routine. It truly was a sight to behold. Unfortunately, he was not having much success.

The big mystery now is WHO did those inserts belong to? No one left the dance floor when they magically appeared on the floor, and in fact, no one else besides myself, the girl I was dancing with, Rico Suave and the people sitting at our table even noticed them. I wonder what type of dance move you have to do that will dislodge bra inserts? You have to give whoever owned them credit because they apparently kept right on dancing....those are what I call nerves of steel (or way too much alcohol).